she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
