Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
