I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
