the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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