if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's blow job season.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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