How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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