I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I need a burrito and a hug.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
