you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize