I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
