Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize