so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
