He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
