so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry about my life...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
