oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
