I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
