Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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