i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
