and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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