You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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