everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize