She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
