So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
