I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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