I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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