I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
