he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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