i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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