the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
4 words: hood of his car
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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