smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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