i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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