hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i came on her dog
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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