uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
