I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
