you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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