Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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