Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize