george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
