Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
