so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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