I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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