Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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