Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
