I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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