A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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