TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize