Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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