okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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