also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
