honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
