I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize