Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
