i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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