my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
