Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
