There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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