I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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