I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
