Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
