ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
