bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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