i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
