People in love make me want to vomit
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
