I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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