My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
