I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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