How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
