Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
