i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
