dude i'm inner monologue high
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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