WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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