you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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