I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
