Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
