I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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