Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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