i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
