my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
