Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
