Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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