I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
