hotel room ftw
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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