sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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