I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
