you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
