I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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