Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
