im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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