the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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