I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Two words: blizzard sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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