Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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