Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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