I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
