i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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