Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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