i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
