Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
