Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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