so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
