I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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