If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
