Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Can you bring me the toilet please
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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