i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize