In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you win again, gameday.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
