im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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