apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
