i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
