I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
