Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
