i permit you to call me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just took my morning after pill in the library
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize