I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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