Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
